final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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