It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
