Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
