I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
