Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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