they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
