When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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