I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
