So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
