I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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