i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I just shit out all my problems.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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