Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
