we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he thought i was a dude.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
