We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
