i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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