Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Randomize
