I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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