Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
