I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
