There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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