Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
