Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
