I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
