She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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