I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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