I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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