I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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