thus making me awesome and them whores
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
