After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
