not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
