That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
