Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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