So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
