The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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