I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize