I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
