I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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