eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
