I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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