No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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