Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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