I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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