The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
