Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
