the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Go christen that room with your naked body.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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