Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize