And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
