I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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