you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize