i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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