Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
