We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
