he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
