so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
