i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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