thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
