69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have already put on my inside pants.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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