I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
