I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Holy shit dude........stairs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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