She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
