Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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