I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
