dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
