So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
