he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
