You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
